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A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)