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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.