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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
My tricks aren`t for kids.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.