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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!