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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy bacon, and that is pretty darn close.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."