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If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
Home is where the pants aren`t.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
Where is the button to restart summer?
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.