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Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.