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The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
Happy 4th of July ! ... It`s a holiday. You know what that means... Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.