Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Haters gonna hate, your honor
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.