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I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.