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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.