Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.