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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I`m grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
My support group can outdrink your support group.
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.