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Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.