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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
With great power comes great electricity bill.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......