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I try to get in at least 30 minutes of talking about exercise every day.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
My tricks aren`t for kids.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.