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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?