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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.