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Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.