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I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them