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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.