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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.