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If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!……It’ll take them an hour to pass the salt!
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven