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Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?