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It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.