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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
The worst part of owning an invisibility cloak is trying to remember where you hung it up.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.