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What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.