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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I’m tired of things costing money.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
Ever drink so much your wife makes sense? Me neither...But I keep trying
I`m never free but I`m available.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.