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My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*