Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
Velcro, what a rip-off!
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t