Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent