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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.
Anything is legal when there`s no police around