Daily Silly Status

I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.

I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.

When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.

I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.

I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.

Alcohol goes in ... Happiness comes out.

Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants

The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....

I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.

"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos

my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.

I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.

Some families are like Snickers Bars. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts!

Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.

I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.