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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.