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Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.