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Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.