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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
This status has been censored by Facebook
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.