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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"