Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.