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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Don’t believe everything you think.
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.