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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.