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If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.