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If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.