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Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Got suspended from Instagram for going on everyone`s food pics and posting the calories.
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?