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I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
It’s not pretty being easy.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up