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Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks