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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.