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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
A man is as faithful as his options
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."