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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
Relationship Status: eating
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!