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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside