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PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
it`s friday o clock
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.