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One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.