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If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3 hours.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.