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!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.