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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.