Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.