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Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...