Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.