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"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.