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Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
I have a black belt in leather
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!