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Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
when in Rome get naked ;)
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.