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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.