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I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
Son: am I adopted? Me: not yet, but we`re hopeful.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…