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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button