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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..