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Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."