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A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.