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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.