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When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
lol I rotfl
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.