Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
I flunked anger management class.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
I was stood in front of the mirror last night, admiring my six pack. Then it occurred to me, why the f*ck am I not drinking it?
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.