Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session