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It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.