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I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?