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Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.