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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.