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I just made you think of an elephant
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.