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I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
I`ve given up on giving up.
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.