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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.