Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife is pissed at me again. Apparently I`m breathing wrong.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
Iām simply on reserve for the one who deserves
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.