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Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.