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Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.