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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0))) I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fat bitch know how many chins she has.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...