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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.