Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.