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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I