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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.